Prayer for peace

Tonite I choose … consciously and deliberately choose … to be angry with the mancubs’ birth mother.

If she had only stuck with and worked her plan.

If she hadn’t harmed the boys, put them in danger, neglected them.

If she had only been a M-O-M to them …

If …

Then my 8-year old wouldn’t have had the confrontation with his friend at school today that he had.

For whatever reason, they started comparing their pain: his friend is about to have another surgery – he’s had too many to count and I imagine having to deal with the pain of surgery & recovery is super hard.

But to state it is more painful than being ripped away from your birth mother? That’s too much for me.

And it was too much for my son. I don’t have the whole story, but I think it may have gotten a little physical.

My youngest was 3 when he and his brothers and sisters were removed from their home. And despite all that he went through with his birth mother, there’s always going to be a part of him that wants to be with her.

I can respect that.

I cried on my way home from work tonite because I knew then as I know now that there will never be anything I can say or do that will completely take away his or his brothers’ pain. As much as I wish there was a magic wand or a special potion, there isn’t. He & his brothers and their sisters didn’t deserve this.

But it happened.

Their sisters are safe in a city far away from the birth family, as are our boys.

My prayer for the children … our boys and their sisters … is that they all will sleep peacefully tonite and every night.

And know they are safe.

And loved.

Wildflowers

I remember a time growing up when our family was displaced from our home at Castle AFB (California) so the floor tiles could be replaced. I don’t remember where we were living for those few days while the floors were being worked on. What I do remember is coming home from a neighbor excursion with a huge fistful of wildflowers for my mom. The smile on her face, the twinkle in her eyes, the feeling of pleasure I received from experiencing her happiness imprinted itself onto my brain and I’ve never forgotten it.

Texas weather is fickle but the wildflowers always know when it’s time to bloom.

The mancubs have begun bestowing gifts from the field and yard on me. The sweetness and joy in their faces as they deliver their treasures melts my heart. Every time.

… even when the oldest brought in a dandelion ready to release its seeds with the slightest breath – that one got bagged & tossed before its’ progeny could land in fertile soil

These boys … my boys …

My prayer for them today is that they’d never cease to wonder at the beauty around them. That they receive as much joy in giving gifts as they do in receiving them. And that they remember these moments of their childhood when they’re older & smile.