Primero

I can’t believe how overwhelmed I seem to be these days.

I was talking to Hub about this just this morning. His big concern is that I’m not sleeping.

I’m not sleeping because I know that I’ve got more stuff to do than there are hours in a day.

I like to be busy, but I’m way beyond busy this semester. I don’t know why I take on so much.

Actually, I do.

If I stay busy enough, if I keep myself way past the point of mental collapse, if I just plain don’t have time to think …then I won’t cry.

If I cry, I won’t stop.

I need help, but I don’t know who to ask.

I need to talk to someone, but I’m afraid that what I say in confidence will be made public.

I don’t know who to trust.

I’m afraid that if the people I work with and the people that work for me find out that I’m a mess inside,they’ll laugh at me.

or lose respect for me.

My family?I haven’t spoken, I mean REALLY spoken, with my brothers in years. There’s always the pressure of being the oldest. The “responsible” one. Even now when we’re all grown and gone our separate ways.

As for my parents, they’re both retired now. They take off on a moment’s notice and expect me & Hub to take care of things on the home front.

Don’t they know I’m drowning? How do I let them know this without them looking at me with pathetic disgust?Hub? He’s got a lot on his plate, too. I’m still incredibly angry with him for starting his grad program before I finished mine.

Grad school’s supposed to be MY thing right now.

Yes, the childish side of me pops out at moments like this when I’m so absolutely tired and overwhelmed.

What am I going to do?

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