The day after Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is hard for me to deal with and it takes me a few days (or longer) to get over the sadness of one more childless year passing by.

One of my colleagues really laid herself out on the line yesterday. I inadvertently hurt her feelings, although I didn’t mean to.

She caught me in the hallway after one of my (many) meetings and our conversation started with a discussion about the glitches in one of our software packages. I said perhaps I should call the network administrator to see if she knew what was going on. My colleague said she had done that already, but the admin’s on leave. Turns out she & her partner are in the process of adopting a baby.

Gulp.

The admin’s aunt was the one who called out of the blue last month with the news of the baby we were going to try to adopt. With the timing of this news, I immediately thought that the admin. had decided to go ahead and adopt the little guy. The little guy was due on the 25th and birthmom expected to deliver a couple weeks early. Which means the little guy has most likely been born by now.

This must be a different baby because their’s is currently in the NICU due to such an early arrival.

My colleague turned to me and said, “Lisa, my cousin’s pregnant and she’s giving up her baby …”

I couldn’t believe the direction our conversation had taken. My heart was aching so badly from everything that’s happened these last few weeks and I don’t know what my facial reaction was in response to this news. I quickly ended our conversation and bolted for the safety of my classroom.

She called me at home a few hours later to see how I was doing because she knew something wasn’t right. I told her I was really sorry if I had hurt her feelings but I couldn’t even begin to think about trying to adopt right now. It’s too soon and I need time to heal from my last failure.

Although she said she understood, I don’t know if she really did.

Unless they’ve gone through this for as long as I have, I doubt anyone would.

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