Why I don’t talk about our infertility

There are a few blogs that I enjoy reading on a fairly regular basis. Some of these are written by dads celebrating daddyhood. For the most part, they’re pretty funny and that’s why I enjoy reading them.

I came across a link to a blog a few moments ago to a wannabe daddy’s site that really made me stop and pause for a moment. I felt badly for the writer and his wife and, after reading the first entry, I realized that even though hubby & I have been dealing with our infertility for more than two decades (whoa, where’s the time gone!) we really don’t dwell on it.

And this is a good thing.

Looking back at all that God has blessed hubby and me with over the past 22 years, it’s hard to not be thankful for all that we’ve been given.

As I was scrolling through the wannabe’s entry, I realized how thankful I am that hubby & I don’t obsess over the fact that we are childless. This guy, unfortunately, only writes about the prospect of impending fatherhood.

What if it doesn’t happen? For him & his wife or for me & hubby.

I can’t speak for them, I entered into this guy’s life via his blog for only a few brief moments.

For hubby & me, we’ve learned to expect the unexpected and appreciate all that we’ve been blessed with.

I was speaking to one of my colleagues yesterday about our most recent failed attempt at adoption. I told her that hubby & I have decided not to pursue adoption anymore. However, if an opportunity falls into our laps, that’s another story.

She looked at me with a look of total incomprehension because she couldn’t understand why we weren’t moving heaven and earth to make our family complete with a child. I get this look a lot from people that are parents. Even though they don’t mean it, it does hurt. She asked, “If you’re not pursuing adoption, how do you expect an opportunity to ‘fall into your lap?'” She was shocked when I told her that our most recent attempt was literally a phone call out of the blue. I explained to her that the reality of private adoption is NOTHING like how it’s portrayed on “Oprah” or “Dr. Phil.”

So, why don’t I talk about our infertility?

Because even though I know in my mind that I am not a failure as a woman because I can’t conceive a child, my heart still cries out that I am less of a woman precisely because of this.

Childlessness = failure.

Hubby tells me continually that I’m not a failure … I need to look at all I’ve accomplished. I guess that in a man’s world and from a man’s perspective, I’m thisclose to being Donald Trump.

So really … why don’t I talk about our infertility?

Because I seriously don’t want to dwell on what I don’t have, what I’m not able to do, and what I can’t have. The Lord has richly blessed hubby and me with many things both tangible & intangible.

We are content.

Who can ask for anything more?

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2 thoughts on “Why I don’t talk about our infertility

  1. Lisa, I can totally & completely understand what you’re talking about. Jes & I have faced & are in the same boat as you & Carl! What I don’t understand is why other people think it’s okay to ask me about it. It’s not that I am so sensitive to the subject that I don’t want to talk about it, but I just don’t understand why people have such a hard time accepting that some couples are childless. I don’t want to hear all their suggestions (why don’t you adopt? why don’t you try infertility treatments? Why don’t you foster parent?) I am happy & content with my life & God has more than richly blessed me & Jes. We’ve dealt with our childless situation & we’re okay with it. But, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt sometimes. I still get pangs when I see a newborn…it’s hard to have pregnant friends…Mother’s Day is difficult…but, I get through it & I thank God for Jes & bottom line, I wouldn’t change my life for anything!

  2. Thanks Laura.

    The comments that bother me more than any other usually appear right around Mother’s Day: “such & such made their family complete by … ”

    Why is it that our society doesn’t consider a childless married couple a “complete” family?

    Childless = incomplete

    It’s not fair.

    While hubby & I may not have heirs, we DO complete each other.

    Does the phrase, “and the two shall become one” ring a bell?

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